Pick a harmless hex (a kulam) or a tiny blessing (a Maluk), enter a coworker’s email, and they receive an official notice with a certificate and an antidote. Sign it, or stay anonymous. No actual magic. Full plausible deniability.
100% free · No credit card · Faster onboarding than your IT ticket
Sample email. Names changed to protect the guilty. Send your own →
Glossary · For our international colleagues
kulam /koo-LAHM/ noun · Filipino
“The printer jammed right before my presentation. Someone in Finance sent me a kulam.”
Maluk /mah-LOOK/ noun · Ermais original
“Three green lights in a row on the way to work? Someone sent you a Maluk.”
Onboarding · 3 steps
Name, email, and a solemn promise to keep it harmless. No credit card. No blood oath.
Choose a kulam or a Maluk, add a reason (“Booked a meeting for 4:55 PM on a Friday”), then sign it or go anonymous.
They get an official notice, a certificate, and an antidote. The universe handles fulfillment. You take the credit.
Anti-spam built in: every recipient can unsubscribe in one click, and each inbox has a strict daily cap.
Service catalog
Every product runs on our proprietary Inevitability Engine™: Murphy’s Law with a project manager. We don’t cause any of it. We schedule it, file the paperwork, and take full credit.
Tiny curses for tiny crimes.
“Hello? Can you hear me?” Twice. Then they find the mute button.
Drops mid-call. Returns the second they turn their camera off.
“Restart now?” appears 30 seconds before their big presentation.
Works all week. Jams the exact minute it’s urgent.
Three attempts. Every single time.
Kulam spelled backwards. Same infrastructure, opposite vibes.
No special cable angle required. Rare peace.
Three greens in a row on the way to work. Main character energy.
Estimated 5–7 days. Arrives in 2. And they’re home.
The cart was already full. Now it’s justified.
The courier calls ahead. They’re home, dressed, and ready. Unheard of.
30+ hexes and blessings in the portal, plus seasonal limited drops.
The universe was going to do it anyway. You might as well get the credit.
Customer success stories
“A customer opened every chat with ‘Hi’ and then vanished for two hours. I booked Wi-Fi Reconnect Meditation. Now he knows what waiting feels like.”
Maya · Support lead“Client asked for ‘one last revision’ for the ninth time. Printer Panic Mode. His printer jammed before revision ten. He took it as a sign. Version 1, approved.”
Ben · Freelance designer“He replied ‘noted’ to every memo without reading it. Update Ambush. His laptop restarted mid-reply, so he finally read the memo. First time in three years.”
Ana · HR manager“Before the Monday all-hands I sent my whole team Green Light Streak. Everyone arrived on time and in a good mood. My manager now thinks I’m a great leader. I’m not correcting anyone.”
Carla · Team leadTestimonials are satire. So is everything else on this page.
What it costs
No credit card, no premium tier, no trial that quietly turns into a subscription. The universe does all the work, and it has never once sent us an invoice.
Create your free accountDue diligence
No. It’s satire in a witch costume: one email, one certificate, one joke. Zero actual spellcasting. The scariest thing here is the office printer.
Yes. You get free hexes and blessings every day. No credit card, no subscription, no “limited time offer.” We tried invoicing the universe once. It left us on read.
Your call. Sign it with your first name for maximum accountability, or go anonymous and we keep your identity confidential, the way a good HR department would.
Yes. Every certificate has two buttons: hex back, or send a Peace Maluk. It works even if you stayed anonymous; we deliver it without revealing who you are. One round each, then the matter is formally closed.
Each inbox has a strict daily and weekly cap across all senders, every email has a one-click unsubscribe, and we don’t allow links, phone numbers, or anything genuinely mean.
Technically, yes. Strategically, we recommend Meeting Mic Amnesia during the all-hands, bundled with a Maluk so your leave request still gets approved.
Everywhere email does. We were founded in the Philippines, which explains the word “kulam,” but printers jam in every time zone.
Portal is live · Region: Underworld-East-1
Create a free account in under a minute. Kulams for the petty, Maluks for the deserving. All harmless, all reversible, all with receipts.
No credit card · No actual magic · No hidden cauldron fees